


I'm going to catch you when you fall.

by Roosterbytes



Category: Septiplier - Fandom
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, M/M, NSFW, Self-Harm, Suicide Plan mention, self-harm mention, suicidal thoughts mention, tags will be added as I go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-25
Updated: 2015-12-16
Packaged: 2018-04-28 01:46:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5073220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roosterbytes/pseuds/Roosterbytes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is Mark's point of view from "Try not to be a burden".</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I am here for you.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mizu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mizu/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Try not to be a burden](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4592859) by [Roosterbytes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roosterbytes/pseuds/Roosterbytes). 



> The lovely Mizu commented on Chapter 7 and mentioned they were curious about Mark's take on what was happening. And I thought it'd be fun to write it. This is from Chapter 4 : A safe place in dark times. I hope you guys like it.

His phone ringing woke him from his sleep. _Fucking Skype._ Mark groans weakly, eyes barely open as he fumbles around for it, slapping his hand against his mattress until he hits the screen. He didn't even check who it was, he just answered.

"I'm scared Mark, I'm fockin' scared." The voice wavers and Mark stops rubbing the sleep from his eyes. His eyebrows furrowed, while his eyes adjust to the darkness. 

"Jack...?" Mark could hear the sleep clinging onto his voice, mixing with the confusion. Jack's words click into his brain and his eyes shoot open. He throws the covers off himself, sitting up and staring at the clock. _Oh fuck. Is he okay? Is he safe? What's he scared of? What's happening? What happened?_ His brain was in full panic mode as he worried about his friend. The thoughts stop when he hears Jack hyperventilating.

"What's wrong?" Mark was definitely awake now. Jack was in trouble. Something was happening to the poor Irishman. 

"Jack, please, talk to me." He begs after a stretch of silence. _Maybe someone was chasing him. He might be hurt. Oh god no. Jack needs to be okay. He has to be safe._

"I-I.." Jack's voice is a broken whisper before a loud gulp disrupts the tense silence. 

"I'm fockin' scared Mark. There's this voice in the back of my head, telling me all these things an'.." A harsh sigh follows. Mark can feel worry digging into the pit of his stomach. _Had Jack done something? Was he hurt?_ He was pulled out of his thoughts by Jack's voice.

"It's turned you all against me, everything you've all said, it's turned it against me. It's bringing me down. It's fockin' hurtin' me an' I can't argue against it. I can't win against it. No matter what I say, no matter what I do, it's there. An' all yer voices are there too. Yer all putting me down and telling me how worthless I am an' I just.. I can't fight against 'em. I can't argue. I can't win. An' then I start believing 'em." Jack's voice is a soft whisper at first, before it turns into choked sadness, as if Jack's trying to talk around a lump in his throat. The fact that Jack was crying hit him in the chest like a freight train.

"Jack.. it's okay. You're okay." Mark immediately goes into comfort mode. A small part of him is also trying to comfort himself. He reaches over to his nightstand, flicking on a lamp before turning his video on. He sits staring at Jack's silly icon, wishing he was seeing Jack's face instead.

"Breathe Jack, breathe. Take some deep breaths, okay. In through your nose and out your mouth." Mark's does it as well, trying to get Jack to breathe with him as well as calm himself. There's still panic racing under his skin. After several deep breaths, Jack's breathing evens out and Mark feels a bit of relief.

"Jack, you're our friend. You're important to us and we care about you so much. You mean a lot to us. Don't listen to that voice, okay? Because it's wrong." Mark's trying to be comforting while also trying to make his point. It's a hard balance, but he thinks he nailed it. He can hear Jack taking deep breaths still which is followed by a gulp.

"O..okay." Jack clears his throat. "Okay." Mark feels a bit more relieved but the need to see Jack and make sure he's still there overpowers it.

"I need to make sure you're okay. Can you turn your video on?" 

"Y-yeah.." Mark hears the hesitation but is soon greeted with Jack's face. His eyes widen at the sight of his friend. Jack looks so broken. His hair is all over the place, his eyes are red and puffy and it looks like he hasn't slept in weeks. His eyes soften as he watches Jack look at himself before sighing. Mark swallows and tries to form words.

"Jack, what does it say? What do we say?" Concern leaks from every word and Mark catches a quick glimpse of guilt wash over Jack's face before it disappears. Jack's looking down at his lap now. He looks so vulnerable and Mark's heart breaks. He just wants to hug him. To just shield Jack away from everything and keep him safe.

"You all tell me how much you hate me.. that yer just pretendin' to be my friend. Ya tell me how worthless I am, how I shouldn't be alive. That I don't deserve ta be. It.. it fockin' hurts Mark." Jack's voice is a whisper by the end. Mark begins piecing together the words he wants to say, chewing on the inside of his cheek.

"We're your friends Jack, we love you dearly. You mean so much to us, to me, and you definitely deserve to be alive. You're worth so much and you cheer up so many people. You've done so much good in this world. You're a wonderful person, Jack. I'm sorry that it's gotten this bad. Please know that we're here for you. We do care deeply about you. Please, PLEASE, don't hesitate to talk to us. We are here for you. I am here for you." Mark puts as much urgency and love in his words, trying to drill the message into Jack's head. There are unshed tears in his eyes but he's afraid to blink. If he does, Jack's image will become more distorted and he's afraid Jack will disappear.

"Thank ya Mark." Jack's soft voice is filled with relief and Mark feels warmth spread across his chest. Jack was safe. Jack was in a better head-space.

"Thank ya." Jack's smiling now and Mark can't help but smile back.

"Anytime Jack. Anytime. Don't hesitate to call me, okay? I'm here for you." Mark smile becomes soft and warm. He watches Jack's smile grow and he feels his heart swell as his belly fills with the fluttering of butterflies.

"I'll talk ta ya later Markimoo. Thank ya again." Jack's smile is wide and he chuckles, showing a bit of teeth. Mark loves when Jack laughs. It soothes him.

"See ya Jackaroonie." Mark chuckles back, watching as Jack looks over himself. He takes the time to study Jack. He looks so much better. More lively and his eyes had brightened. The call soon ends and Jack's face disappears. Mark feels the warmth spread across his body. Jack was safe and that was all that mattered.


	2. Goddamnit, he'd thought about it.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack was so emotive and Mark was enraptured by it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo.. I decided, _Fuck it. I'm writing this bad boy_ and this is the outcome of that. (I'm also floundering around with chapter 8 at the moment so hopefully I'll get that done soon.) Um, I'm not too sure how I feel about this chapter. I like it but it feels sort of.. awkward? Maybe that's just me. Also, it's apparently REALLY fucking short. Goddamnit. Sorry guys.

Mark made sure to check on him. Whether it was a text or a call. Although he tried not to call him too often. He didn't want to overwhelm Jack with his mother-hen habits so he was thankful when Jack started to call him on his own. Jack would sometimes just shoot the shit with him, it'd leave both of them laughing so hard that their eyes watered or they'd smile so wide their cheeks would hurt. Other times, Jack would call, tears in his eyes as he tried to convey his thoughts through hiccups and broken sobs. Those calls always got to Mark. They made the distance seem so much farther and he'd feel it in the pit of his stomach. He became afraid that if he didn't answer one call, Jack would disappear. And that fear lead him to answer Jack's call anytime of the day or night. It didn't matter what he was doing. Mark made room for him and reassured Jack, whenever he apologized, that it was okay.

Mark studied Jack with each call. At first it was simply to analyze and store the information for future reference because he wanted to know what to look out for. And although that was still part of the reason, it was no longer the only reason. He found himself wanting to memorize every inch of Jack's skin. Like how he'd smile wide, eyes crinkling before he'd throw his head back, laughing hard after he clapped his hands. Or even the way his brow furrowed when he was concentrating. And way his lips pulled to one side when he was smirking. Jack was so emotive and Mark was enraptured by it.

Which sucked. Not because Mark didn't like it, but the exact opposite. He loved it. It made warmth flood from his chest when Jack smiled or laughed. Affection would fill his veins whenever Jack was being silly or messing up something. Desire when Jack would run his hand in his hair or over his lips making Mark wish it was his hand. Wait, back the fuck up- No. This was not good. He couldn't let himself think about how soft Jack's hair would be inbetween his fingers. Or how warm and tender Jack's lips would be on his own. And he definitely couldn't be thinking about what Jack's body would feel like against his own. Fuck.. he'd thought about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it was super short. I didn't do that intentionally. unu. I hope you guys liked it either way. Feel free to leave comments and such. It's always nice to hear back from you lovelies. Have a wonderful day!


	3. Frantic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time had stopped. Surely that can't be what he thought it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for any typos, mistakes or extra words. This is Mark's point of view of Caught from Try not to be a burden.

Mark was doing his best to keep his feelings out of the picture. He didn't want to add more to Jack's plate and didn't want to risk the possibility of Jack pushing him away when he needed help. Mark had to be there for his best friend and keep Jack's well-being in mind. Which was why he was glad their conversations had returned to normal.

They still talked about games they were playing in their spare times and some of the bugs they had found. Mark even mentioned how he got his character stuck in the wall and the goddamn auto-save had decided to fuck him over at that exact moment. He was definitely pissed he had to start over. There goes some of his free time down the drain but it was worth it when Jack started laughing. Disbelief shone on Jack's face and Mark did his best to try to defend himself before he bust out laughing too. 

Their conversation had switched over to this new game that was coming out. Mark was pretty excited since it seemed like it would be really good. He'd given Jack some of his ideas about what he thought the game was about before Jack shared his thoughts on it. Mark nodded in agreement when Jack explained how he thought it'd be a sci-fi horror game, which made sense since the monster did look like a lab experiment gone wrong. 

The movement caught Mark's eyes and then his body stiffened. He could feel all the blood leaving his face and fear began to eat every other emotion in his mind. _Surely that couldn't be what he thought it was. There was no way Jack had hurt himself.. was there?_ His mind screamed but there were no longer any words. He swore time had stopped.

"Mark, it probably won't be that scary. C'mon man, I thought ye were supposed to be manly." Jack chuckling made time speed up again. Mark quickly flung his gaze to Jack's face, staring Jack in the eyes as his mouth floundered for words. Thoughts were going too fast in his head and the ones he managed to catch were getting lodged in his throat. And Mark wished he'd managed to croak something out, anything, because the moment Jack noticed his cuts were visible, Mark saw the fear settle in his eyes. Mark figured it was now or never.

"Ja-" Concern and fear laced his voice and he didn't get a chance to finish the other man's name. The call was ended. He was too late. By the time the shock had faded, Jack had gone offline. Mark flung out of his chair and grabbed his phone, fingers fumbling over the screen as he frantically typed text after text. His mind decided to chime in and remind him that he could call Jack. Fuck international fees, this was important. Mark rang and rang, over and over, getting the same old happy voice mail that stabbed him in the chest each time. 

Mark's not sure how many times he had called or how many texts he'd left before the voice on the other end was no longer Jack's, but a woman telling him the phone was no longer on. He cursed under his breath, threading his fingers in his hair. He immediately called the airport and booking the earliest flight out. He's not even sure he packed anything in the suitcase considering he'd gotten in his car before remembering he wasn't wearing shoes. Whatever the fuck he'd managed to slam in there would have to do because there was no turning back or slowing down the moment he backed out of the driveway.


	4. You're alive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scenarios of Jack dying in his arms played in Mark's head.
> 
> Mark's point of view from Chapter 7 ; Doubts and Desperation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided, _fuck it, I'm writing today._ So, this is the outcome of that. I wanted to take a break from both stories due to recent events but in a way, this kind of helps me.. center(?) myself. I might post another chapter to this one so I can catch it up with Jack's story. I'm rambling a little, I apologize.
> 
> Um, I hope you guys enjoy this, sorry if the pacing is a little frantic/rushed.

The flight was too long. It hadn't even been five minutes and Mark's leg was bouncing while he chewed the inside of his cheek. He attempted to watch some movies but he couldn't focus on them. Sleep wasn't happening, so he instead sat there, clenching and unclenching his hands as scenarios played out in his head. There were some where he'd make it, just barely in time to find Jack in various states of dying or bleeding out. Most of those ended with Jack dying in his arms. And then there were the ones where he didn't even get a chance to save Jack. He imagined opening Jack's door, frantically looking around his apartment until he'd stumble upon Jack's body. He didn't know which scenario was worse.

He barely heard the intercom inform them that they were landing. Mark had been sure he couldn't have been more afraid but he had been wrong. Once his jet-lagged and sleep deprived mind processed the words, more fear had swarmed his body, overpowering the worry and concern. 

When Mark finally stood, it was on wobbly legs. He hadn't even known he was shaking. He somehow managed to get off the plane and into the baggage claim where he was tempted to just leave it so he could run to Jack's house. The small rational part of his mind informed him that he'd probably need his bag and it'd give him a moment to try to get his bearings. 

He didn't get his bearings.

Even when he'd climbed into the taxi and spewed out the address he'd forced himself to memorize, he was still shaking, rolling his hands into his lap as he waited for what felt like years. The man driving informed him they were there and Mark managed to hand him some of the money he'd remember to convert and stumbled outside. 

He'd fallen on the steps too many times but his body was numb to the pain. Adrenaline surged in his veins and finally, finally, he reached Jack's door. He knocked loudly several times before he heard a latch and watched the door swing open. Jack stood on the other side, hair a mess, eyes dull with dark bags resting under them.   
Mark couldn't fully process what he was seeing. Jack was standing before him. He was alive and at that moment he wondered if his mind was playing tricks on him. He saw realization dawn on Jack's face and he forced himself to speak.

"Jac-" Mark didn't get to finish Jack's name once again. The door had slammed shut. He heard a noise but couldn't place it before he barely managed to make out the words 'Oh god' repeating over and over again. Jack was still there. He had a chance.

"Jack, open the door. _Please_." Mark was desperate, at any moment Jack could walk away. He could walk away and end himself, or he could be bleeding out and Mark wouldn't know. His knuckles rapped against the door frantically, trying to get Jack to open the door again.

"Jack, _please_ , let me in." Mark was trying not to cry now. The scenarios kept playing out and he was so close, so fucking close, to being able to save Jack. Mark's knuckles no longer made contact with the door as it swung open and Mark saw Jack's face once more. He wasn't looking at him but Mark didn't care. Jack was there. He dropped his bag, immediately rushing inside, catching Jack's eyes so a quick second before wrapping the small frame in a strong hug. Mark's shoulders shook as tears flowed down his cheeks. Jack was real. Jack was alive.

"You're alive, oh fuck, you're alive. Jack, jesus, Jack, you're alive." Mark sobbed into Jack's shoulders, clutching him as if his life depended on it. And in a way, it did. Mark felt Jack's fingers dig into his back while they gripped his shirt. He felt Jack's face bury itself into his shoulder and felt the tears on Jack's cheek against his neck. Their legs had buckled as they two sunk to the floor, clinging to each other as their sobs echoed the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry once again for the pacing. I hope you guys liked it nonetheless. Thank you for reading and have a wonderful day.


	5. I almost lost you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Jack, talk to me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I didn't write this in one-sitting, which you might be able to tell. I don't really know right now. I'm actually kind of exhausted mentally from writing this one. Um, I'll be updating this and Try not to be a burden, hopefully soon. I want them to sort of be on the same chapter so I can go "bam, there's this one and this one for the same story." i don't know what I'm sayin. Hopefully you do?

When the sobs had lessened, Mark finally found it in himself to release Jack from his strong hold. He followed Jack as he shuffled over to the door, closing and locking it before Jack grabbed his bag. The two sat down, facing each other while awkward silence settled over them. Mark wasn't sure what to say or where to start. They were both vulnerable and Mark knew that, so he let the silence sit for several minutes.

"Jack.." Mark's voice was hoarse and it hurt a little to talk. He cleared it before trying again. "Jack, talk to me."

"What do you want me to say?" Jack's voice was small, vulnerable and sad. Mark's chest ached at the sound. He watched for a few seconds as Jack thought before he placed his hand ontop of Jack's before the man finally caught his gaze. Mark tried to hide the exhaustion and sadness but apparently he didn't do it very well considering Jack winced.

"Jesus, what have I done.." Jack breathed out and Mark could tell he hadn't meant to say that out loud. His eyes softened, although when his mind clicked the words into place, he felt his brow furrow. Jack was blaming himself.

"Jack, I'm here because I want to be. I care about you, honest and truly. You mean a lot to me and I don't want to lose you. I was afraid I was going to and I'm so relieved to see you alive. Don't beat yourself up over me being here. I _want_ to be here with you." Mark reassured and he watched as tears welled up in Jack's puffy red eyes once more. 

"I just didn't want ta burden ya. You've got so much on yer plate already. You've got a life too. Between YouTube and yer own personal stuff, I didn't want ta add to that." Jack replied softly and Mark felt his heart sink.

"You're not a burden Jack. You're not burdening me either. I'm happy to be here for you. I'm happy to help you. I want to be there for you and help you. I want to." Mark attempted to push his message past the thoughts he knew were circling in Jack's mind and felt a little relief when he saw it seemed to work.

"I'm sorry Mark.." Jack whispered and Mark watched the new tears roll down his cheek.

"It's okay Jack, you're alive and that's all that matters right now." Mark whispered back, squeezing Jack's hands, not noticing his thumb rubbing against Jack's knuckles in a reassuring manner. He watched Jack piece his thoughts together and the words that followed froze him.

"I wasn't going ta be.." Jack whispered it under his breath but Mark had managed to catch it. He felt his body stiffen while his blood ran cold. Mark's fingers gripped Jack's hands, the other running through his hair as his wide eyes stared at nothing. He didn't want to process that thought. He didn't want to acknowledge that the one thing he had been fearing, almost came true. He had almost been too late.

When Mark finally focused back on reality, it felt like he'd just surfaced after being underwater for too long. He desperately searched Jack's gaze for any hint of a lie but his small hope was squashed like a bug being run over by an eighteen-wheeler.

"Jack.." Mark couldn't quell the pain he knew slipped through. It hurt him so much to know he was almost too late. That he'd almost lost his love.

"Wha.." Mark began, choking on the words. He gulped loudly, blinking back the water in his eyes before trying again.

"What.. do you mean..?" Mark was scared. He was so fucking scared, he didn't want to know the answer but at the same time he needed to know the answer. He watched as Jack closed his eyes while a sigh escaped his lips.

"The kitchen counter.." And that was all Mark needed before he hauled the two up, holding Jack's hand because he couldn't let go. He couldn't let go of Jack because if he did he would fall apart. He needed the reminder that Jack was there and that he was alive. God, did he need that reminder.

After aimlessly walking Jack's home, he finally found the kitchen as dread punched him in the chest. He saw the scattered papers, he saw the pencil and the knife that laid beside them. He wished it wasn't real. But as he made his way over, it became too real for him to deny it. The letters were addressed but many remained blank. All except one.

Mark read his name over and over on the page before finally forcing his gaze lower.

_I don't know what to say to you but at the same time I have too much to say. ~~I want~~ I need you to know that I cherished our friendship until the very end. I want you to know that I had so much fun playing games with you and talking to you. You've influenced me so much and you've made me a better person. Without you I never would have started YouTube and I want to thank you for that. I want to thank you for everything you've done for me. I don't think I could bare knowi_

Each word was like a knife to his heart and he couldn't even feel his nails digging into his palm. He felt the tears fall down his cheeks once more before he spun around and pulled Jack into a strong hug. He buried his face into Jack's shoulder, knowing full well his own were shaking with the force of his sobs. He felt Jack lay his hands on his back before feeling Jack's head press against his own.

"Sssh.. Mark, it's okay. I'm alive.. remember. I'm here." The words Jack whispered into his hair made Mark hug him tighter. He felt Jack's hands rub up and down his back in a soothing manner but it didn't stop Mark's mind from racing.

"I'm sorry Jack.. fuck, I'm so sorry. I should've known. I wish I could have helped you sooner. Fuck, Jack- I'm so sorry. But-but I'm here now. I'll protect you. I swear I will. I'll keep you safe. I'll do everything I can to keep you safe Jack.." Mark hiccuped into Jack's shoulder, fingers grasping at the fabric of Jack's shirt. He made a promise to himself as well as Jack in that moment. He wasn't letting go of Jack, not without a fight. And he'd be damned if he let Jack do this alone.  
Mark had calmed down but he made a resolve. He was going to be there for Jack, no matter what. And he definitely wasn't letting the man live alone. Mark didn't care if he had to stay in Ireland or if he managed to bring Jack to LA, Jack wasn't going to be alone anymore.

When he finally found the strength to, he released Jack before grabbing his hand. Mark turned his attention to the knife and put it away. The letters came next which Mark crumbled into a ball, turning his self-hatred on the poor pieces of paper before discarding them in the trash. All except one. Mark wrote the time and date on it, before folding the note and pocketing it. This would remind him of everything that had happened today. He never wanted to forget it, no matter how heartwrenching. He had almost lost Jack and he wasn't going to let it happen again. Mark began to open cupboards, looking for tea because he knew it was going to be a long morning and they were going to need to talk about this more. It was also a way to sort of delay the conversation as Mark put himself back together again. 

Jack had been giving him bits of information about where things were and how to work his stove but Mark wasn't really processing it. His body was working on auto-pilot while he tried to contain the chaos in his head. 

"What do you put in it.." Mark heard himself say.

"Two sugars." Jack sighed in response. Mark stirred the sugar into the tea before grabbing the mug and settling them both back down onto the couch. Mark watched him, waiting for Jack to start the conversation but instead he only continued to sigh. And when Jack went to take his hand back, Mark refused to let go. After Jack had given up, he instead switched their hands and entwined their fingers. When Jack sighed again, facing the ceiling, Mark prepared himself to listen, shutting off the auto-pilot in his head.

Jack began to explain his doubts, worries and insecurities. Mark listened as Jack told him about his nightmares. About how Jack listened to his videos and how the Nightmare version of himself became so loud in Jack's mind. Mark couldn't hold back the tears as Jack explained the voice of his depression and the awful things it said to him. He remained quiet through it all, even when Jack rolled his head over to look at him. Jack let out another sigh, pausing for a moment.

"It.. convinced me ta do things. It convinced me ta 'urt myself. It told me t'at if I did, I'd feel better, ya know? And I.. I wanted ta feel better. I wanted ta let the bad out. An'.." Jack put his head in his other hand, another sigh flowing from his lips. Mark wanted to throw up.

"An' at first, it helped. I felt so much better. An' then it got out of control. I kept trying ta stop but I couldn't. There was just so much.. bad in my body. I jus' felt bad all the time and no matter what I did, no matter how many or how deep, nothing changed. I'd go until I was too tired ta continue. I'd treat 'em an' then go ta sleep where the nightmares would plague me again." Jack's voice had wavered the entire time, his head now staring at his lap while his free hand ran through his hair.  
Mark was thankful he hadn't eaten in a while because he's sure he'd have been sick by now. How could he have let Jack suffer for so long? How could he not have noticed? Why didn't he come to Ireland sooner, after the first call? Why did he let it get this bad? Mark hated himself.

"I was trapped.. t'ere was no way out. It.. it wouldn't stop when I was alone. Talking ta you was the only thing that helped. I felt safe talking to you. I felt cared about." Jack's gaze shifted from his lap while Mark waited for the inevitable 'but'. Although Mark felt a little bit of happiness hearing that he helped his friend, he squashed it like a bug. 

"But then ya found out. An' I got scared. My mind went rampant, conjuring up how much ya hated me. How ye were disgusted with me an' never wanted to see or hear from me again. I didn't want ta lose you. So.. I was going to leave before you could leave me." Jack's eyes were closed now and Mark was glad because Jack couldn't see him clenching his jaw. He was so angry with himself. But the fire was extinguished quick and soon Mark felt the sadness swarm him once more.

"I don't hate you Jack.. God, I could never hate you." Mark croaked, trying not to let the words 'because I love you' fall from his lips. Now was not the time and even if it was, he couldn't risk Jack pushing him away. Instead, he tightened his grip on Jack's hand as Jack did the same. Silence buzzed between them as Mark tried to process the conversation.

"Can.. Can I see them..?" Mark whispered under his breath, fear hanging onto every letter. He needed to see them, he had to know the extent of the lines that laid beneath Jack's clothes. 

"I'll show ya tomorrow. Tonight was.. a lot ta handle. I 'aven't slept since ye found out and I'm sure you're super jet-lagged. Let's get some sleep.." He heard Jack mumble, before he felt Jack try to pull his hand away. Mark refused to let go once more. He was stupid to ask to see them. Of course this was a lot for Jack. He'd just poured his goddamn heart out and Mark asked him to show him more. Jack was vulnerable and Mark was an idiot. 

"I'm not leaving you alone, Jack." Mark said sternly. There was no room to argue and he was relieved when Jack didn't even try. Jack lead them to what Mark assumed was his room, before he heard Jack drop his bag. Mark shucked his shoes, pondering for a few seconds when Jack had picked it up, before giving up. Their hands disconnected and Mark tried to push down the panic that surged in his veins. It was only quelled when he laid down beside Jack, looking at him in the darkness before placing a hand on the man's shoulder. He was afraid to sleep but he found his eyes fluttering shut as his mind turned off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, um. Yep. Sorry for this one? I don't know. I'mma go take a nap, try to get my head on straight. Have a wonderful day guys.


	6. Scars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "There's more."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I titled both the chapters "Scars" and wrote the same summary. You wanna go bro?
> 
> But seriously, I've been writing this since I posted "Try not to be a burden's" recent chapter. I kind of like it? And the two stories are finally caught up with each other! How awesome is that?! I'm a bit tired now, but hey I got it done. I hope you like it.
> 
> Also, I got a little sassy. Oops.

Mark had woken up a few times. He's not sure how he couldn't of. Despite him being there and knowing Jack was okay, his nightmares had other ideas. He'd often wake up, breathing heavy, eyes glancing around in the dark for several seconds before registering that he was looking at Jack. Jack who was still in the bed next to him, still breathing, still alive. 

This time was no different. Mark took shaky breaths, looking beside him to find Jack laying on his back. Except this time, his mind convinced him that the rise and fall of Jack's chest, was all in his head. Mark immediately scrambled over, trying to be careful just incase Jack was alive. He laid his head down against Jack's chest, listening for his heart beat. It was there, soft and slow as it should be, but it was there. Mark sighed, relief flooding his veins. Jack is alive.

Mark took a moment to gather himself before realizing his position. One leg was thrown in between Jack's, while his arms held him up from either side of Jack's head. _Thank god Jack's not awake, this would be one hell of a position to explain._ Mark began to move himself, attempting to get his leg out from between Jack's own before a sound stopped him. _Was that a.._ Mark moved his leg a little more. _Yep.. that was a moan. Well fuck. Good going Markimoo, you managed to rub your thigh against Jack's dick. You know, Jack, your best friend. The person you have a crush on. The Jack whose dick you totally just touched. You know, that Jack._

Mark sighed, turning his gaze from his leg back up to Jack's face. There looked to be a tinge of blush, although it's not like Mark could really tell, it was dark as balls in here. Mark groaned. _Bad joke, bad timing._ Mark carefully, as carefully as he fucking could, lowered himself, trying to shift his body as off of Jack as he could without moving his leg. He didn't exactly want to have a repeat of previous events, especially when he was looking Jack in the face. When Mark finally settled, it was with his leg still stuck in between Jack's, an arm draped across the man's chest and his face tucked into Jack's neck. Mark took a few moments to savour the feeling of Jack's body against his, trying to ignore the fact Jack's dick was against his thigh and his own was against Jack's thigh. 

 

When Mark woke up again, he was a bit relieved to find out he wasn't tangled in Jack's limbs anymore, which was nice. However, that was soon replaced by the memories of his nightmares. He sat up, a bit shaky as Jack's snores filled the room. Mark looked over at Jack who was sleeping on his side, facing away from Mark. A sudden need to verify that Jack was real filled Mark and he gently placed a shaking hand onto Jack's arm. 

It took all his willpower not to clutch Jack to his chest. Instead, he laid behind Jack, draping his arm around the other man's waist. Yes, he was spooning Jack. Yes, this was a terrible idea. But Jack was here, he was real and Mark could hear him breathing. Jack's warm body and soft breathing lulled Mark asleep once more.

 

When Mark wakes again, it's from a nightmare where Jack had left the bed and killed himself mere feet from Mark's sleeping form. Mark looks to the space beside him, anxious to relieve the dread from his gut but instead a blank space greets him. Mark's throwing the covers around, attempting to get up.

"Jack? Jack?!" Panic races through Mark to the point where all he can think about is Jack. His mind doesn't register the fact he's tangled in the sheets. Or the fact that the floor was getting closer to his field of vision. Mark hears the thump erupts from his body hitting the floor but in his panicked state, all he can think about is it being Jack's body that fell to the ground. He scrambles to get on his feet again and when he does, he swings open the door, ready to run across the house. Footsteps patter closer to him and Mark turns his head to the noise. Everything stops. His mind is quiet and he may have forgotten how to breathe for a second but relief floods him. His tense muscles relax as a long sigh escapes his lips.

"There you are." Mark can't help the small smile on his face.

"Ar' you okay? There was a thump." Jack gestures towards the door and Mark nods in response.

"Yeah.. I'm okay now. I just got tangled in the covers and fell off the bed like a doof." Mark chuckles, beginning to walk towards Jack. _I'm okay now because you're alive. You're here in front of me, real and alive._

"If ya want ta take a shower, the bathroom's over there." Jack nods his head in the direction of the door. _A shower would be nice.. I need to get my head on straight._

"Yeah.. yeah that'd be nice." Mark trudges into the bathroom and casts one last glance at Jack.

 

Mark had just gotten a cup in his hands, heading over to sit with Jack.

"I.. I guess this is happening.." Mark heard Jack mumble. He looked over, watching Jack stare into his coffee cup as if it could get him out of what was about to happen. Jack looked sick and anxious.

"One step at a time Jack, there's no rush. We can wait if you're not comfortable." Mark did his best to reassure him, resting a hand on Jack's shoulder.

"No.. no.. it's, it's okay. I.. I need ta do this. Don't ask me why, I just needta." Jack sighed, before taking a sip of his coffee, which Mark was sure was cold by now. The look on Jack's face confirmed it. Mark watched as Jack stood, facing him. The two shared a glance before Jack removed his hoodie. Mark barely took note of the fact Jack wasn't looking at him. His mind was trying to wrap itself on all the lines he saw littering his friends body. Mark stood, legs feeling like jello.

"C.. Can I?" Mark gestured to Jack's arms, taking small hesitant steps towards Jack. A small part of Mark wanted to run so he could deny that this was happening, instead to reached out after hearing Jack's weak 'yeah' and held Jack's hands. He slowly turned them over and gasped.

"Oh Jack.." Mark whispered sadly, eyes raking over the lines. He let Jack's left hand drop before he reached out and trailed his fingers up and down Jack's right arm. When Mark had observed every line, memorizing it, he carefully moved his hand to Jack's collar bones, which made Jack give out a stuttered breath, before trailing down his pecs. Mark memorized each line, as he went as he finally made his way to Jack's belly. The lines were long, stretched from one side of Jack's belly to the other. Mark noticed that Jack had tensed, fists curling at his sides and his eyes were shut tight.

"Jack.." Jack's eyes opened at his name, his hands uncurling.

"What are you thinking about?" Mark whispered, fingers frozen on the line he'd been tracing. Mark took note that Jack still refused to look him in the eye.

"Nothing." Mark didn't like the sigh that followed.

"Jack." Mark wasn't believing that. Something had happened in Jack's head, Mark knew it.

"I was.. I was thinkin' 'bout 'ow the lines arn't deep enough. 'Ow the bit of fat I have wouldn't let 'em be." Jack sounded defeated but Mark hadn't felt like he won either. Mark felt the frown resting on his face as he resumed tracing the lines that lay on Jack's belly. 

_I wish I could be stroking his stomach for different reasons._

Mark decided now was a good time to switch to Jack's left arm. His hand glided up Jack's belly and chest before beginning to glide down Jack's shoulder. He didn't get very far before Jack hissed. Mark retracted his hand, hovering it over the area he had once been tracing. Mark turned his head towards Jack, questions on his tongue.

"It's, it's fine. They're from the day ya saw 'em." Mark caught Jack's eyes. He looked so tired and unfocused. Mark wondered if Jack had taken a step back in his mind to ease the situation on himself. Instead of voicing his thoughts, he simply nodded, skipping the spot he was hovered over and continuing to trace the lines. 

"The ones yer tracing, they're from a week or so ago. The same night as the ones on my right arm, along wit some on my belly, thighs an a few on the bot'um of ma forearm. I.. I was not doin' well. A lotta shit piled up an'.. an' I 'ad stopped fer a while. But it all caught up wit me. It was a mess." Jack murmured. Mark shut his eyes, feeling his chest ache with every word. He couldn't stop the tears that rolled down his cheeks like little waterfalls as he sniffled. All these cuts, each one representing how much Jack hurt on the inside. Where had Mark been? Where was Mark when each one had been made and could he have stopped it?

"I'm.. I'm so sorry I wasn't there Jack." Mark heard his choked sobs fill the house. He opened his eyes and stared directly into Jack's own. They were unfocused. Jack had definitely stepped back.

"But-but I promise I will be. From now on I will be. I'm not letting you live alone. I don't care if I haveta live here, or if you live with me in L.A, I can't let you live alone Jack." Mark sobbed, doing his best to keep Jack's gaze while his shoulders shook.

"Okay." Was all Jack responded with, not elaborating any further. Mark would take it. Mark nodded, bottom lip inbetween his teeth as he turned his gaze back to Jack's left arm, flipping it over. _There's barely any skin.. it's just.. cuts. The only places unharmed are his inner elbow and right under his palm. At least Jack was smart enough not to cut into those areas.. he'd have bled-_ Mark stopped that train of thought fast. When Mark had memorized all the lines, he let go of Jack's hand, placing his arms at his sides. He wasn't sure what to say but he needed to say something.

"There's more." Jack interrupted him, motioning for Mark to sit down. And he did, mouth shut, with his hands clasped together between his knees. He watched Jack retrieve his sweatshirt before placing it on the table and moving the mugs. Soon Mark was watching Jack take off his pants. Heat flushed into Mark's cheeks, but if Jack asked it'd be because he was still recovering from crying. Thankfully Jack didn't ask. Jack sat down on the table in front of him, head turned away with red cheeks as he rolled up his boxers. Mark looked down, seeing the lines that had just been displayed. Mark refrained from touching, knowing full well that that would definitely be awkward and a good amount more intimate then just tracing the lines on Jack's upper body. After several minutes, Jack pulled his boxers back down, before standing and getting dressed. Mark watched as each line disappeared underneath the clothing as it it hadn't existed at all. When each line was covered, Jack sat back down in front of Mark and the two let the silence sit for a few minutes. 

"Did you mean it when you said you were okay with me living here or you coming to L.A with me?" Mark looked up, searching Jack's face. He really hopped Jack had been serious.

"Yeah. I do. I think I needta.. just.. get away from 'ere. From this apartment. It's got a lotta bad memories. I think livin' wit'cha would be a good idea." Jack nodded, looking around his apartment. Mark felt relief swarm him. He was a little anxious about Jack living with him but mostly relieved.

"Are you sure? You don't need to do anything or get anything, before you pack up and come to live with me?" Mark rubbed his eyes before running his hands through his hair. He was already trying to arrange things in his head.

"I'm sure. I want'ta tell my family where I'm goin' and I need ta change a few things but other then that, I'm ready." Mark watched the small smile form on Jack's face. It was soft but sad.

"Okay. Let's do that then."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading this. I hope you liked it.
> 
> Have a wonderful day.


	7. Close calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But Mark fucked it up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, I'm supposed to be taking a break and I wanted to write.
> 
> If you've read Jack's Pov, then you know that I feel this chapter may be unnecessary and I'm going to wait to see what you guys say in order to figure out what to do.
> 
> I'm really tired.

Mark wasn't sure if he should be comforted by the fact they had time now, or if he should be terrified that the plan was so thorough. Turns out, it was easier to figure out which. He was fucking terrified. Jack had qued up videos for after he passed, saying it was to buy his friends and family time to mourn his loss before the Community found out. It also appeared that Jack didn't really think anyone would mourn him, given the quotation marks when he said the word 'mourn'.

Mark had thought Jack was doing better. He wasn't hiding in his room all the time or dragging himself around the house like he had been doing the first month or so. And he was eating on his own, able to care for himself a bit better and even joke around with Mark. It was nice to see Jack build himself back up again.

But Mark fucked it up. He thought Jack was doing well enough for Mark to be able to sleep in his own room. That was a load of shit. He'd wake up, bladder full, only to hear Jack's muffled sobs in the other room. Opening the door each time filled him with dread and it was sad that the sight of his friend sobbing on the floor, trying to muffle his cries in a pillow, relieved Mark. ' _He's alive_ ', would float around his head on repeat as he would squat down, removing the pillow from Jack's grip as he attempted to hide a sigh of relief. Jack was crying, but he was alive.

Mark only spent time alternating between his bed and Jack's because he couldn't allow himself to cry in front of the other man. That would do nothing but add to Jack's pain and even though it pained Mark to do it, he had to. 

It was only when he caught the misplaced razor and small winces when Mark started asking Jack to take off his clothes, catching the other man off-guard every time. Although Mark's heart was racing when flirtatious jokes fell from Jack's lips, he did his best to swallow the lump in his throat and keep his face stern.   
Jack would always sigh before he removed his clothes, allowing Mark to approach him and look him over. Mark would count each line in his head, letting out little gasps when more were added each time. His heart sunk with every new line that Jack had tried to place over a previous one in attempts to hide it. Mark thanked Jack's shaky hands each time. 

One time when he was checking, there was a significant amount, days apart. That was when Mark decided he couldn't keep letting this happen. He'd tried to deny it and pretend Jack would help himself but that wasn't the case anymore. He spent one of Jack's recording sessions grabbing every sharp object he could and placing it in a locked box. His heart broke over and over again when he'd hear Jack search for the key.

Mark had noticed Jack recording more and more often after he gave up looking for the key. He'd felt happy at first, thinking the man had finally dropped it and was trying to help himself but then he'd remember the stockpile Jack had for his passing. Mark started to keep a notepad to keep track of how many there were.  
Yet, somehow Mark was happy when the number of extra videos didn't even get close to the stockpile. Jack would often use them to take days off for himself, which Mark couldn't be more thankful for. The stockpile never exceeded fifteen and Mark knew Jack would never switch to one video a day. 

So when it was stuck at 11, he hadn't expected to walk into the living room, belly growling, to find Jack attempting to leave with an overstuffed suitcase. Mark stood frozen, staring Jack in the eye before the other man took off in a run, causing Mark to move as well. He ran for what felt like hours before finally catching up to Jack. He tackled the man to the ground, both of them falling to pavement. Mark remembers having to wait for Jack to stop struggling before he could finally walk them back to the house. He had a few cuts on his foot, but Jack had scraped his palms and pulled a handful of scabs off both his forearms. 

It had been quiet since that time but Mark tried to stay on high alert, which meant he didn't sleep very much. He'd accidentally fallen asleep, waking up startled only to look around and find out Jack was missing. Mark drove around frantically before finding him running towards a bridge. Mark had barely managed to grab the back of Jack's hoodie, pulling the small form into his chest as they sank to the ground. Jack sobbed, struggling and pounding his fists into Mark's chest, before grabbing the fabric tightly while Mark did his best to comfort him.

They slept in the same bed permanently after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a lovely day.


	8. Wonderful Accidents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Look, it was an accident. It was an absolutely wonderful accident, but it was still an accident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I wrote this story's chapter first! :o
> 
> I was actually going to scrap the last chapter because I felt it was unnecessary, but the lovely Sashasanidea and Liebisadick convinced me otherwise. They gave me a bit of encouragement and motivation and I ended up writing this little thing here. Oops.
> 
> I also want to thank everyone for sticking around with me and my inconsistent updates. I wish I was able to give you guys a schedule but unfortunately I am unable to. My life is a bit all over the place.
> 
> I hope you guys like this. I wasn't sure how to go about it but.. /shrugs and hands candy. Here it is?

Look, it was an accident. It was an absolutely wonderful accident, but it was still an accident.

Mark had been sleeping in the same bed as Jack, permanently, for a month or so now. He's not entirely sure how this hadn't happened sooner, to be honest. What with how small the bed was and his crush on the other man, his body was bound to betray him. Funnily enough, it wasn't his body that betrayed him, it was Jack's. That motherfucker.

Mark wasn't fully awake, his eyes were still shut but he could hear the soft snores and light breathing from the man next to him. A soft smile graced Mark's lips as he cuddled closer to Jack's warmth, completely forgetting about the fact this was his best friend and he had morning wood. Mark draped his arm lightly across Jack's chest, as he attempted to get himself situated behind the other man.

Bad idea.

The moment his dick brushed against what Mark could only assume was Jack's ass, mistakes had been made. He let out a light hiss at the contact, which barely covered the soft moan he heard. Barely. Mark felt his dick twitch at the sound, pressing itself against the curve of Jack's ass once more. Another soft moan followed the movement, before Mark barely registered the feeling of Jack rolling his hips against him.

 

The faint memory of Jack moaning as he grinded his ass into Mark's dick greeted him when he woke up. A heavy blush swarmed across his cheeks. That certainly explained the stickyness of his boxers. Mark went to remove himself from Jack's backside, as carefully as possible, because he really did not want to explain this. His movements froze when he heard the other man whimper, pushing back against Mark's chest with a relieved sigh.

After several more tries, Mark's back was against the wall, while Jack's back was against his chest. There was no getting out of this situation without waking Jack up, which Mark was definitely not going to do.

 

That same scenario happened several times over the course of the following month. Each time got increasingly harder to ignore. What with the wonderful noises Jack made that stuck to his subconscious and the memory of how Jack moved against him. Those kind of things didn't exactly help his evergrowing crush.

Not to mention Mark often found himself day-dreaming or staring at Jack's body. He'd always manage to catch himself before he'd get too excited. He didn't exactly want to tell Jack that whatever boner he'd almost just popped was because Jack had dropped the goddamn remote and was fishing for it under the couch.

Not a conversation to have with someone you're supposed to be helping.

Not like that! Fuck!

 

The scenario was slightly different this time. Mark's not sure that's a good thing. He cracks open his eye, attempting to figure out where Jack has gone to. The bed is still warm, but Mark's not sure if it's from his own body heat.

Mark manages to spot Jack, standing not too far away in just his boxers, hands in his hair as he looks down at his legs. Mark quirks a sleepy eyebrow, watching as Jack turns around, grabbing his discarded shirt on the bed. Mark notices the darkened spot, Jack doesn't notice him.

Mark's still reeling from his shock when he hears the bathroom door close. Jack had- Mark gulps at the thought. The memories of last night, dance around in his head and he checks himself over. Sure enough, he's got a stain too. Mark runs his hands through his hair and sighs. This was getting bad.

 

Was? Ha, he wishes. It's bad. Like, he may have well just caught Jack masturbating.. wait. He actually had.. technically.

Mark was about to knock on the bathroom door, mouth open and throat at the ready to ask the other man if he wanted to eat out. The words got stuck in his throat and for a second, Mark thought he was going to choke. Instead fire shot through his veins as red swam across his cheeks and down his neck. Jack, was 'jacking it'. He was masturbating in the goddamn shower.

Mark bit his lip at the noise. Jack was loud, even if it sounded like he was trying to muffle his noises. Moaning and panting out curse words that painted a picture in Mark's mind. There was no way to abort the image.

"M..Mmmaaarr-k..." Jack moaned before several pants could be heard.

"F-fucck.. Maaark.. So good.." Mark's heart was either going too fast for him to feel it, or it had stopped completely. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. Mark had to pull himself away from the door and force himself to ignore his throbbing erection.

 

It'd been two or so days since Mark had heard Jack. He'd spent a lot of his time trying to ignore those sort of thoughts while he planned out how to go about this.

"Mark." Jack shouted, startling him from his thoughts. His gaze snapped over to the Irishman who had a hand on his hip and an eyebrow raised.

"Fer the love of fuck, why do ya keep spacin out like t'at?" Jack walked over, sitting next to him, before pressing a hand to Mark's forehead.

"You don't got'a fever. What's up laddie?" Jack titled his head while Mark tried to scramble for words. This is not how he wanted to start this.

"I.. uh.. Jack, we have to.. er.. need to.." Mark began gesturing weakly with his hands.

"We need to talk, Jack." Mark managed to force out.

"About what?" Jack shifted himself to sit cross-legged now, arms wrapped around his torso. Mark noticed he did that whenever they were having a serious talk.

"A-about.." Mark gave a weak, nervous smile before gesturing between the two of them.

"About us.." Jack scoffed, raising an eyebrow, but Mark noticed the blush. He felt a little better about this conversation.

"Jack.. um.., how do I put this?" Mark scratched the back of his neck.

"So, a few days ago I went by the shower and I heard you jerking off and moaning my name and then I've been waking up from 'wet dreams' but I'm pretty sure I remember us spooning and grinding against each other and well, I wanted to address that because I kind of liked it? but I'm not sure you do, despite everything and I've liked you for a long while, even before I went over to Ireland and I-" Mark rambled, taking a big breath. Jack's face was pale, mouth open.

"You-you, you heard that..?" Jack whispered, blinking owlishly.

"Y-yeah and I.. uh.. I really liked it. It um.. it turned me on?" Mark's voice got quieter, uncertain, the more he he spoke, still rubbing the back of his neck as heat flamed his cheeks.

"An'.. an' you like me?" Jack whispered in disbelief. He nodded, casting a glance up at Jack's face. The other man's face was red with blush, some coating the tips of his ears and down his neck. Mark swallowed heavily.

"Fuck.." Jack stated, a hand going through his hair.

"Yeah.." Mark agreed, just as unsure how to go about this.

"Should we just..?" Jack motioned between them.

"Y-yeah? Only if you want to Jack." Mark gulped again.

"What're we, twelve?" Jack chuckled, a small smile creeping on his lips.

"What? No. I'm an adult who does adult things like.." Mark struggled to think of something.

"You play video games fer a livin an' wear spongebob pajama pants." Jack laughed.

"W-well you sleep with a stuffed animal!" Mark pointed out, flustered.

"Sam is not a stuffed animal! He's a boss, ya stoop!" Mark watched Jack fumble over his words, a grin forming on his face as he rose an eyebrow.

"Shaddup." Jack pouted, huffing with his arms crossed.

"Make me." Mark challenged, before feeling Jack's weight get pressed into his chest as he fell back against the couch.

When Jack connected their lips Mark swore the world stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys have a wonderful day. And I hope this makes up a bit for breaking your hearts in the last chapter. If not, here's a bunny.  
> (\\(\  
> ( . .)  
> c('')('') <3


	9. Love's embrace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why did he wait so long to do this?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this has been done for a while and I asked on Jack's POV if anyone thought I should just copy that chapter and put it here, but no one answered. So.. I'm doing it.
> 
> Sorry that it's late as fuck. Life, man.

Living with Mark had changed a lot since their kiss. Not just physically, but emotionally as well. They'd share kisses throughout the day and cuddle up on the couch watching shitty tv shows and cartoons, with the occasional movie. But through all the bliss, Jack felt fear. And he's not exactly sure what he's afraid of.

Despite the fear, Jack let himself get swept away in all things Mark. The soft kisses, gentle touches and loved filled words. The way Mark swayed as he cooked, or how he sang in the car. The way he held a pen or adjusted his glasses. Jack soaked up everything he could.

But that didn't mean it was always fine and dandy.

Jack still struggled with his depression and still felt the itch under his skin. Mark would sometimes have to pry Jack's short nails from his palms or the paths he was raking down his arms. And each time Mark did, he'd press kisses to whatever damage Jack had done, before kissing his knuckles, and then his lips. Jack would always wonder how he'd gotten so lucky.

 

Minus all the silly chaos, their lives had become pretty domestic. They'd take turns cooking and occasionally would cook together, which always lead to a mess. Dirty clothes, messy hair and loud laughter before realizing they had to clean their kitchen, again. Movies, video games, the occasional book and strange dance-offs in the living room. They even went on dates.

The only thing Jack wished hadn't changed, was how comfortable he'd once felt undressing in front of Mark. Sure, the other man had seen all his scars and there were no new ones for months. And Mark now trusted him enough, not to ask to see. But whenever things got hot and steamy, or whenever Mark suggested taking a shower together, Jack would remember his scars. How he looked in the closet mirror in his old home and the look on Mark's face when he traced them for the first time.

Jack was afraid that Mark would be reminded of how damaged Jack really was and leave. So Jack would often find ways out of undressing in front of Mark, whether it was changing into pajamas or swimming in the pool.

 

Jack decides one day, that his brain is being ridiculous. He doesn't remember the exact thought that leads him to this decision. It might've been something Mark had said, or something in a game, he's not entirely sure but whatever it is, he's glad it happened.

And when he takes a shower, he looks down at his pale flesh, taking note of his scars. Some are white and basically blend with his skin, while some are darker and stick out like a sore thumb. He takes a few shaky breaths before he starts tracing them. Mark's loving words now softly glide out of his own lips in quiet breaths, that soothe the ache under his skin and the rapid beating of his heart.

He can do this.

 

Jack's biting his lip as they cuddle on the couch. Dinner was two hours ago and he's been trying to work up the nerve to ask Mark if they can move into the bedroom without giving away his intentions. He wants it to happen as it normally would and this time when Mark looks at him with questioning eyes and a hand on the hem of Jack's shirt, he wants to answer yes.

He spends several moments thinking about that and what would come afterwards. Jack shifts several times before realizing that the couch is no longer going to be comfortable. He stands and grabs Mark's hand, gently tugging it.

"Maarrkk.. the couch isn't comfy anymore. Let's go lay down on ta bed." Jack suggests, lightly tugging again to which Mark rolls his eyes but stands.

"Alright, you baby." Mark chuckles, allowing Jack to lead them to their room.

The two settle down, Jack tucked into Mark's side again as they watch tv. Jack's not paying attention to what's playing. He's focusing on Mark's body. The warmth it radiates, his relaxed breaths and beating heart.

Jack places his hand on Mark's stomach, rubbing his thumb up and down as he feels the muscles under his palm and fingertips. It's only when he snakes his hand to Mark's right side, that Mark looks down at him. Jack doesn't look up, his hand rubbing up and down Mark's ribs, feeling the muscle and bones beneath his shirt.

"Jack.." There's an underlying huskiness to Mark's voice that makes Jack smile.

"Hmm?" Jack hums in response, still pretending to watch tv. He feels Mark sit up a little, which causes him to whine before Mark cups his jaw, tilting Jack's head up. When their eyes meet, Jack quickly inhales. Mark's eyes are molten chocolate, soft yet alluring. His lips are tugged to one side which makes Jack bite his own. He scooches himself upwards, their noses almost touching. Jack's hand glides from it's position at Mark's side, up Mark's belly and onto his chest.

"Hmmm?" Jack hums again before Mark trails his hand to the underside of Jack's chin and tilts his head up more. Jack feels Mark breathe once against his lips, watches as Mark's eyes flit downwards to their almost touching lips, before meeting Jack's gaze again.

When their lips connect, Jack feels warmth flow through his veins. He moves his lips against Mark's, eyes fluttering shut at the sensation. The two sit themselves up, not once disconnecting their locked lips.

When they part, Mark turns himself towards him, before surging back in for another kiss. A large hand rests on Jack's hip, squeezing lightly which makes Jack let out a moan. He feels Mark's tongue trace his lips before delving to dance with his own.

Mark's hand is running up and down his side, over his shirt. Jack breaks their kiss, opening his eyes to look at Mark, whose cheeks are flushed with kiss-swollen lips. Jack listens to their pants for a moment before he sits up, watching Mark watch him. He raises his arms and hooks the back of his collar on his fingertips before pulling the garment over his head.

After Jack threw his shirt onto the floor, he turned to face Mark, who sucked in a breath, holding it for several seconds.

"Oh god Jack.." Mark groaned out, releasing the breath.

"You're so fucking beautiful, so goddamn sexy.." Mark rumbled, fingertips inches from Jack's side. Jack's body was on fire at Mark's words.

"God.. I just want to touch you.." Mark growled, looking from Jack's torso up to his eyes. Jack gulped at the lust that burned in them. Why did he wait so long to do this?

"So touch me.." Jack whispered, inching closer so Mark's fingertips brushed his skin. "I want'cha ta touch me Mark.. You make me feel so good.." Jack whispered, inching his face closer to Mark's as he spoke.

A smile tugged at his lips as a moan rumbled in Mark's chest. The older man swiftly removed his shirt before grabbing the back of Jack's neck and slamming their lips together. Jack fell back against the bed as Mark pressed their torsos together. Mark's chest was pressed against his own as the older man hovered over him. His knees were against Jack's hips, while one arm rested beside Jack's head to hold him up. Jack felt his other hand trailing up and down his side, sending waves of arousal through his body. Jack reached up and tangled his fingers in Mark's hair, tugging at the locks which had Mark moaning against Jack’s lips.

Mark pulled back, which caused Jack to whine and untangle his fingers from Mark’s hair. The deep chuckle that tumbled from Mark’s lips made Jack’s insides squirm. Jack’s eyes shut as Mark began leaving kisses across his jaw, occasionally sucking or nipping at the flesh as he made his way down Jack’s neck.

“Maarrrkk.. fuck..” Jack moaned, back arching as Mark bit hard against his shoulder. The growl he got in response was definitely worth it. Jack began rolling his hips up against Mark, who was grinding his hips downwards against Jack’s own.

“You’re so fucking sexy Jack..” Mark growled, beginning to work his way down Jack’s chest. Jack whined at the loss of contact, but that didn’t last long before Mark reached down and began to rub at Jack’s dick.

“The noises you’re making are driving me crazy..” Mark growled.

“Maaaarrrkk.. please..” Jack whimpered, reaching down towards his pants to unbuckle them. He wanted to feel Mark’s hands against him. When Jack began undoing his belt buckle, Mark lightly slapped his hand and began undoing it himself. The two stared at each other, panting, as Mark teasingly pulled Jack’s belt through the loops before unzipping his jeans.

Once Jack’s jeans were removed, Mark runs his hands up Jack’s hips before palming the tent in his boxers, which causes Jack’s back to arch. His toes are curling and his chest is heaving as Mark leaves kisses across his torso.

“You’re beautiful. So sexy. And the noises you’re making..” Mark says in between kisses, before looking up into Jack’s eyes. “God, the things you do to me Jack..”

When Mark leans up to press their lips together, Jack takes the opportunity to flip them over. Mark’s on his back now, while Jack kneels over him, trying to unbuckle his belt with shaky hands. The pants soon get shimmied off and Jack straddles Mark’s hips, placing himself directly on top of Mark’s dick. And god does it feel wonderful.

They grind against each other for a few moments while Jack explores Mark’s body with eager hands as they hungrily kiss. Jack pulls back, looking into Mark’s eyes.

“Mark.. I-I want’ta feel ya inside of me..” Jack murmurs, slightly embarrassed by the words he’s just spoken but it doesn’t last long when he feels Mark’s dick twitch against his ass.

“Are you sure, Jack?” Mark rumbles.

“Yeah..” Jack breathes out, a soft smile forming on his lips.

“Okay..” Mark smiles back, before leaning up to kiss Jack. When the kiss ends, Jack moves himself off of Mark who gets up and grabs a condom and some lube. Both of their boxers are removed and they take a moment to look over each other.

“God.. yer so fuckin’ sexy Mark..” Jack rumbles.

“Not as sexy as you are.” Mark chuckles. “Ready?”

“Yeah..” Jack exhales, before groaning as Mark begins to prep him. Mark’s gentle as he works Jack open, constantly asking if the other man is okay while he watches Jack’s face. The more he works Jack opens, the louder Jack becomes. Moans flooding the room as Jack loses himself in the pleasure and when Mark finally retracts his fingers, Jack whines.

There’s a moment of heavy breathing as they both make sure the other is ready, before Mark slowly slides himself in, watching Jack’s face the entire time. Several seconds pass before Jack begins rolling his hips down against Mark.

“Maaarrkk.. please..” Jack whimpers and it doesn’t take Mark long to comply. Mark sets a slow pace at first before delving into a fast rough pace. Swears are being thrown through the air, followed by praise and dirty talk as the two get closer and closer to the edge.

“Mark.. oh fuck.. Mark!” Jack moans, digging his nails into Mark’s shoulders.

“Jack.. fuck..” Mark moans back.

It doesn’t take long for the two to topple over the edge with loud shouts of the other’s name falling from their lips.

After they’ve cleaned up, the two settle in bed. Jack lays his head on Mark’s chest, tucking himself into the man’s side while Mark cards his fingers through Jack’s hair.

“I love you.” Mark whispers, pressing a kiss to Jack’s forehead.

“I love you too.”


End file.
